Written
by
Tambu Kahari.
THE TRUE STORY OF A WOMAN WHO IS
IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN.
I am almost ashamed to put my name below the title of this piece. Daughters of Africa to the South, West, East and North, meet Rungano. Hers is an extraordinary diary about her relationship with a married man. The fact that she gave it to me so that I could share it with you is the bravest thing I have seen.
Rungano X is a 30 year old woman I met by a fluke. Thank God I met her. It turned out that not only were we Zezuru, Shona and Zimbabwean, but we were also related.
When she started sharing her story with me about her relationship with a married man and his wife, I wished to God I had a recorder for you because I always think of you. Months later, I asked her if I could interview her for a series of articles for TheSaladmag blog. She agreed. She gave me her diary as part of my research.
She began that particular diary in its own book, with a strong hard cover. She said it was for her daughter, whom she was carrying at the time. She wanted her baby girl to experience her journey into the world. She wanted her creation to see her mother for who she was, warts and all.
Dear daughters of Africa, my research ended at the first sentence. Rungano’s diary is the most riveting work I have ever seen. It is full of anguish, truth and yes, laughter. You get to laugh with this brave woman who faces herself without pity.
Even better, you see yourself in her words, her comments, her experiences.
When she said on 7 May 2008, “Life is funny ain’t it? You love those who don’t love you back…”
I said, “Amen sister!” I have lived that. Make no mistake. I don’t approve of relationships with married men. I don’t do married men, for the simple reason that I would not hurt another woman for anything and also because I am possessive and too jealous to share.
I once said I admired women who said “to hell with it” and loved married men anyway.
But, Rungano’s diary has made me realize that saying “to hell with it” is that last thing they do. So, yes, Rungano and I have a lot in common. I have loved men who didn’t love me back.
On 5 May she says of a particular experience, “I’ve been here before, I know I have….”
I said, “Jesus Christ, Mary and Joseph!!”
I cannot tell you the number of times I have said the same thing. Life is truly a messed up circle sometimes and every time, I look for the lesson.
She talks of her father with such admiration. Her lover who betrays and lies to her with the same mixed emotions that we have for our men. Her babies whom she loves with every beat of her heart, her scary financial situations and happy moments with nothing but raw honesty.
How it must have hurt her to face herself in this way. Believe me, I know. Oh, but how liberating a journey it is.
We are going to run the Diary of Rungano X, as is, spelling mistakes and all because since Africa has been standing, it has not had one of its daughters rise above cultural barriers and social censorship and share in this manner.
Sisters, don’t miss a single thing. This will never happen again, at least not in my lifetime. Wait! Perhaps, perhaps, this is the beginning.
