Written
by
Ruvimbo Nyamaropa.
In some countries, where women have many disadvantages in comparison to men there is a Sugar daddy factor that rules their lives. Sugar daddies are going strong in the third world because the economies cannot support everyone and their aspirations. Canada is no different.
Sugar daddies are rich or well to do older men who keep younger women for sexual purposes as well as companionship. The kept woman falls short of being a mistress because the sugar daddy doesn’t take care of all her needs, but some of them.
A long standing tradition in Africa, it is doubly shocking that the same factor exists in a first world country such as Canada. But, not only does it exist, it is thriving. One only has to go through the personnel ads of the country’s newspapers to see the randy, rich old men looking for “companions of a certain age in exchange for a certain amount of money.”
Some of the ads explicitly want a single mother, perhaps because in this country she is the most vulnerable to poverty like in Africa. But, in general, Canadian women have many disadvantages which are more like their third world counterparts rather than their first world sisters.
In Canada, women earn a third of what men earn. A male doctor in Canada earns almost $130 000 a year in comparison to a female doctor earning $60 000 a year. Men get the better jobs. Women are often marginalized because they have children and Canadian employers are not friendly to children.
Add the colour of your skin to a sexist society and you are done for. It is twice as difficult to make a living in Canada when you bear our unique mark. But, it is easy to see that the single Zimbabwean female in Canada, especially the single mother, is somehow making a great living.
That is because having a “supporter” is a job the Zimbabwean female and her African sisters have held since they reached puberty in Africa. They have no qualms in going back to that profession when they realize how poor the Canadian economy intends to keep them.
These single mothers often drive the latest cars and dress themselves and their children in the latest fashions. They sit on real leather chairs, have big screen colour televisions, computers, laptops and own steel appliances in their town homes that belong to the city.
They do not lead a wealthy lifestyle and are just above the poverty datum line. That is because Canada is an extremely expensive country. Their lifestyles are one step away from starvation. But, without their sugar daddies whom they hunt for and fight tooth and nail to keep, their lives and their children’s lives would be miserable and wrecked with poverty and hunger.
A sugar daddy in Canada is as necessary to a single mom as is breathing. Life is that hard and that depressing. Furniture is almost out of reach for a single, black mother. It is difficult to afford a television, a laptop let alone a fridge. Most of all, it is hard to buy and maintain a car. Taking one`s offspring out of the ghetto is the goal of every African mom who lives in Toronto and surrounding areas. The help a sugar daddy gives a young mother enables her to save money for the day when she buys herself a suburban home.
The Sugar daddies come in different varieties, shapes and sizes. They can be Arabs, white, Indian or African. At least one in three African single mothers has one or more sugar daddies.
Diana, (not her real name) from Liberia said her body parts were an international currency. She is a mother of an eighteen month old son. Her sugar daddy is a white Canadian whom she met while walking home from school. She was pushing her six month old in his push chair.
`He told me that I was beautiful with my dark skin and braids. He said he had been looking for a woman just like me to take care of. At first I was afraid because although I have had sugar daddies, they have all been African. You hear so many stories about white men and how they kill women But, I took his number and after I asked my friends whether I should see him or not, I decided to do it. He lives in a really wealthy neighbourhood and of course he is married. I have been with him for more than a year. I see him when he wants to be seen. I don`t bother him otherwise. He gives me money when I need it and I tell him how much I want. I keep in touch with him every day by texting. We mostly engage in kinky talk. We have phone sex during his lunch hour. When I am working, he comes to my work place. He brings me lunch or money, lots of money. He likes to surprise me. I never go to his work. I never intrude on his life. I stay away from that. I am his fairy tale. Nothing is real between us. He doesn`t force me to do anything I don`t want to do. If he wants sex, we meet at a local hotel because I live with my son`s father.`
Diana said he did try to force her to give up her boyfriend but she refused. `He said he would pay for an apartment in a better neighbourhood and take care of all my needs, but I will not give a man that much power. Without my boyfriend, I would be lonely, while he is with his wife. Besides, if he is taking care of me in every way, I will not be able to leave him when I want to. He will have too much power. So, no to moving out.“
Diana also admitted that he was not her only sugar daddy but he was her favourite. She has a mother and siblings to support in Liberia. She also needs to be supported in Canada. As a personal support worker, she simply does not make enough money to meet the demands of her life.
“Life in Canada is expensive! The food is expensive! In Africa I had to have a sugar daddy and it is no different in Canada. Without my sugar daddy, my son and I would not be doing so well. The money one is given to live on by the Canadian Government is a joke. It keeps you poor, very poor. Getting jobs and working is very hard. I have no choice but to have a keeper.’” said the 21 year old.
Diana gave some pointers on how one could keep a sugar daddy without losing too much of oneself.
“Try never to have sex with the sugar daddy. Keep him entertained in other ways, like dirty talk with text messaging. One must remember that these men are bored and are just looking for excitement. Never fall in love with a sugar daddy. What is the point of that? They are usually married. Never give in to too many of his demands. They can be pretty selfish. Don’t feel bad about refusing and sometimes that can work in your favour. If you say no long enough they may give you more money to say yes.”
Many Zimbabwean single mothers have sugar daddies for the purchase and maintenance of their cars. Some of these sugar daddies were left in Zimbabwe or England and they still support them while they are here. Western Union is doing great business on behalf of these single mothers. On top of that, many Zimbabwean women have local sugar daddies too who are mostly West African or Arabic.
A 23 year old Zimbabwean woman who would not be named sends money to her mother from her Arabic sugar daddy every couple of months or so.
“I have many disadvantages in this country! There are no jobs here and many of them are based on who you know. I don’t know many people. The jobs that are there don’t pay much, mostly minimum wage. I won’t live poor. I am too ambitious for that. I want certain things and a certain standard of living. Having a sugar daddy is the easiest way of doing it. Besides, I know how to work that job,” she said.
A 27 year old Zimbabwean woman bought a brand new car using money her sugar daddy had sent her from England. She uses money from her Nigerian sugar daddy to maintain the car and buy groceries for her two children. “This country is a man’s world. A woman needs a man to take care of her. That is what my sugar daddies do. They make sure I am comfortable!”
There is extreme competition for African sugar daddies among the Zimbabwean women who live in Toronto and surrounding cities. There are so few African men with a lot money to support more than one house. Like Diana, they hesitate when they think about white men as sugar daddies. They fear being shot or worse, having the white sugar daddy falling in love with them and demanding more than they can give. So, they fight for the African or Arabic males because of cultural similarities.
“Friendships have been broken and new methods of seduction have been created,” laughed the 27 year old with a brand new car. “This place is just like Zimbabwe. If you are stupid, you suffer. You walk about in the snow and your child freezes. You end up eating dirty canned food from the food banks and believe me that food is disgusting. You can’t afford anything, not even cable. Let us not forget the people at home. They always want something from you because you are overseas. There is no shame in having a sugar daddy. It is necessary.”
For this writer, it is really sad that we are in the year 2009 and living in a land thousands of miles away from home which should have more opportunities for women and we are still selling ourselves to old men to live a comfortable existence. I am not judging. I am afraid of doing the same thing because life is hard and I am pretty.
“Prostitution is the oldest profession in the history of mankind. And so it continues!” laughed Diana.
Ok I know times are hard and everything, but basically this is a defense of sugar daddies, and a how to manual on how to get one and get the best of him
Being an imigrant sucks, but seriously
why migrate to Canada or the first world where everything is against you , come over to Nigeria with a little hard work and vision the sky is the limit after all we’re black and no one will know who u are, but if u ok taking from old men then i wish u happy wasted life time.
Canadians, like their historians, have spent too much time remembering conflicts, crises, and failures. They forgot the great, quiet continuity of life in a vast and generous land. A cautious people learns from its past; a sensible people can face its future. Canadians, on the whole, are both.